It's Iruka's Fault
by Loopholes47
Summary: It's Iruka's fault. He takes all the blame for why his students graduated SIX FRICKIN' YEARS EARLY! Fūinjutsu! Team Nine! Recently has been edited!
1. Blame it on Iruka

**It's Iruka's Fault**

**It's Iruka's fault. He takes all the blame for why his students graduated SIX FRICKIN' YEARS EARLY! F****ū****injutsu! Team Nine!**

Sarutobi Hiruzen was not a man to be reckoned with. He was naturally a kind man, and whenever Konohagakure, the village he loved, came into any of his deals, he protected it from any harm and made sure all the people inside his village were safe. Of course, there were a few children of about the same age who many adults despised. Those children got hurt and pushed and scorned a lot. Hiruzen had to resort to many different things to keep them safe, but, even as the Hokage, he couldn't exactly do _everything_. The third Hokage, as powerful as he was, always had to consult the council before making up his mind. The whole entire council against him? Well… Hiruzen could force them to do his bidding, but then Konoha wouldn't feel as safe with a terrible leader who took control of his hat. Then Danzō, that wicked friend of his, would have an excuse to steal the role. So that's why Hiruzen had trouble with Iruka and his problem.

"Hokage-sama, I'm very deeply sorry. I assure you that it will never happen again." The Chūnin bowed a ninety degree angle, his ponytail flipped over his head.

Hiruzen sighed. He could almost envision being young again, doing stupid things with his old friends- who were dead.

The old man put his elbows against the desk, and rested his chin over his wrinkly hands.

"Now, now. Don't be rushing to conclusions. So, please explain your problem."

Iruka visible stiffened, and a pink color crept up his cheeks.

"Well, you see, Mizuki, Izumo, and Kotetsu, and I had a day off. And we held a little party in… um…" The brown haired teacher blushed harder

"A bar… I went over my limit and the next day, I wasn't completely sober. So I… uh…" He started to twiddle his fingers like a certain Hyūga who was shunned by her family. Another one of the Hokage's problems who he had almost forgotten about. Great. _Thanks for a reminder, Iruka_, the Hokage thought.

"I accidently graduated my students."

The Hokage deadpanned.

"How old are they?"

"S-Six, sir."

The oldest in the office cleared his throat, and massaged his temples. He needed a successor. And _soon_. Hiruzen rummaged through his desk and found what he needed. An aspirin.

After popping the much needed medicine in his mouth, Hiruzen cleared his voice again and flicked his hand. "Continue."

Iruka was burning tomato red at this point. "N-Naruto d-didn't pass…"

He spluttered, continuing on. "Bu-But, Mizuki tricked him into stealing the Scroll of Sealing into graduating! Naruto learned the Shadow Clone Jutsu and…"

Iruka paused to catch his breath and gulp. "The Hiraishin no jutsu."

The Hokage could rival a statue with how still he was and how deathly pale he was.

Iruka bowed his head and muttered a few more words, whispering quietly.

"And the rasengan…" The Chūnin gulped again.

"Afterwards, h-he learned the truth about the Kyūbi sealed inside of him from Mizuki." Iruka squeaked when the desk suddenly broke under Hiruzen's punch. A fake smile of sweetness washed over the elder's face, sending warning chills down the teacher's back.

"Oh, go on Iruka. Just be sure to tell me where Mizuki is right now."

"N-Naru-ruto defeated him in the West Forest, half a mile away from the sixteenth post-."

Hiruzen clapped his hands angrily. "ANBU! SEND MIZUKI TO T&amp;I!" Suddenly, four figures became visible from on top of the ceiling and jumped out of the windows. Iruka sweatdropped. ANBU were a little excessive for capturing a missing _Ch__ū__nin_, of all people.

"S-So, I graduated him, also, by giving him my hitae-ate." He weakly pointed to his bare forehead, which sweat was running down by the gallon, at least.

Hiruzen sighed once more. "You are excused." Iruka feebly nodded and ran out as fast as he could. With the Kage-level hearing of his, the Hokage heard him whispering, "Thank Kami-sama! I didn't die or get punished. Yes…"

Hiruzen popped another aspirin in his mouth. Now, all the paperwork it would cost him, and another meeting with the Council to explain that the Kyūbi Jinchūriki graduated early. He was becoming just like Minato already. The civilian and lower ninjas would surely find out his heritage with the major clues hinting them in. The looks, the birthday, the Sensei he was assigning to his team, the jutsus, and the prodigious self. This was going to be a pain. Yes, he needed a successor, and soon…

…

Why, oh why did Iruka have to get drunk? 


	2. Project: Underway!

**Don't own Naruto**

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto was having a grand day. Last night, he had just graduated from the ninja academy! Even after just two months of school! He knew that he was born awesome, after all. But...

He glanced at his stomach...

Eh. Whatever. It wasn't like he was born with the Kyubi. The Kyubi was sealed inside of him _after_ his birth. Big difference. Mizuki-teme could say otherwise. But seriously, Mizuki-teme had let him graduate AND learn three super awesome jutsu. He was supposed to just learn ONE jutsu, but Naruto's six year old senses decided to delve deeper into the scroll. He briefly skimmed over these cool sealing stuff, but wasn't very interested in drawing, so he read over the basic instructions for the Yondaime's super cool techniques.

And got it down pat. There was a nigging little voice in the back of his head that helped him, mostly out of irritation, though Naruto really thought that that was the last time the big orange furball would lend him power before the villagers gave him too much hate so it would turned really crazy. Eh. Though, that would be in the future, let's say if he was twelve. But that didn't happend!

Naruto was now a ninja now! NINJA NINJA NINJA!

* * *

Hiashi looked at his daughter. His daughter stared back. He sighed.

"Maybe you really do take after me... Penchant of graduating young..."

Hinata cocked her head.

Baby Hanabi blew a raspberry.

* * *

Rock Lee wondered if he really should have snuck into the class just to search for his lost book. Oh well. Maybe his new ninja sensei would help him learn ninjutsu? His chakra really stunk. The teachers at the academy told him he had no hope. But they didn't say his chakra coils were deformed (yet) so he still had a chance to become a [youthful] ninja!

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen and the mortified Umino Iruka (as the honored guest) looked away.

The clan heads were seething/appalled/didn't care. After all, most of the students who graduated were Konoha's heirs and heiresses. Actually, technically all of them if you consider the civilian sons and daughter who would inherit their father's civilian businesses. Oh, and if you counted one Namikaze/Uzumaki heir. So yeah...

The civilians were excited about this or down right hostile. But it couldn't really be changed, since the little six year olds (and one seven year old, how did that happen?) had already earned their hitae-ate and wrote their signature for graduation. That could be adjusted for one more year at the academy, but only the jounin-sensei in charge could do that. Haruno Mebuki, the maroon haired banshee was shrieking about how awesome it was and how her daughter wasn't ready. Quite contradicting, if you thought about it.

"I KNEW MY LITTLE SAKURA-CHAN WAS READY TO BE KICK ASS, BUT HOW COULD YOU SEND MY DAUGHTER INTO THE FIELD?! I DEMAND - "

Da fuq.

Meanwhile, the Uchiha in the room was beaming. "I knew Sasuke would be able to catch up to his prodigious older brother..."

Yamanaka Inoichi was the master of minds. Yes, of course, like any other caring parent he really did not like his precious princess graduating so young, but something was off. Even though Ino was one of the best students, she wasn't genin level. Not a chance. _So... _he glanced at the Hokage, narrowing his eyes. _What are you playing at?_

Sarutobi Hiruzen called order. Immediately, the room quieted down. He cleared his throat. "You must be... er... _wondering_ why a handful of children no taller than a meter have graduated. I will get straight to the point. You see, Umino Iruka-."

The whole glanced at the sweating chunin.

"-and I have created a little project. The reason why I have not informed you of this is because it was an '_extemporaneous'_ job. We will track down the efforts and strengths of these students with one-on-one time with one skilled jounin, or possible two. We will then compare the results with the average fifth-year academy student after one year of training together."

Nara Shikaku raised an eyebrow. "A seven year old, possibly eight, against an average ten/eleven year old? Your thoughts, please."

The head of the intelligence department knew why, but didn't feel like explaining to the troublesome counsel. The Hokage was a much better person to listen to, too.

The counsel stared the old man down like a predator to prey. A tiny bead of sweat formed above his eyebrow. "Because this wonderful chunin at my side here thinks that the academy students are growing too lazy. While it is wonderful that we are in peace-time, and can allow ourselves to be a little lax, I've also noticed the dimming 'Will of Fire' and the girls starting to diet starting their last year and boys eating too many sweets. This won't be forever, only if the project turns out to be successful..."

* * *

**I have not seen you in forever. I blame school. But now it's BBBBRRREEEAAAAKKKKKKK!**


	3. My Precious

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine (mmmmiiiinnnnee...mmmmyyyyy oowwwnnnnn...mmmmyyyy pppprrrreeeecccciiiooooouuusssss...)**

* * *

Naruto was... he was... ekusustatik... what was that word again? He'd seen an upper class man use it and the guy said he was "_that_" whilst looking RRREEEAAALLLYYYY happy.

Because...

...

...NINJA!

* * *

Umino Iruka was honestly going to worship the ground his Hokage walked on (even more so than before) because...

_"Iruka, them graduating young is as much as my fault as yours."_

_Iruka stared at him wide-eyed. "Does that mean you were the one who spiked the drinks last night?"_

_The old man deadpanned. Oops. _

_"Uh...nope! That was actually Anko, but it is my fault for not expecting this," he lied with his most award-winning grandfatherly smile yet. _

_The chunin instructor blanched at the name "Anko". Who was she? Maybe he better figure out. Iruka was going to mull over his thoughts over at the nearest dango shop, anyway._

The sixteen year old finished assorting teams 1-6. Iruka scrunched up his eyebrows for team seven.

"Team seven... rookie of the year... top kunoichi... dead last..." Tradition. At that, the brown haired teen snorted. He's seen Hatake Kakashi read some 'not so traditional' books, in simple terms. He opened his mouth to bite away the last of his dango, but he munched on a stick.

Bland flavor, wood.

"Where'd it go?" Because he did not want to look like an idiot, chewing on sticks.

Somewhere in a far away apartment, Shiranui Genma sneezed. Namiashi Raido wiped his nose for him with -

Suddenly he felt something - or someone - brush against his back.

"Hello _sexy_," whispered a voice.

"WHAT THE F-MMMPPHH!" His mouth snapped shut at the woman's face.

Purple hair, tied in a high and spiky ponytail. And pupiless grey eyes.

**BINGO BOOK - pg. 149 / Konohagakure's Safety Rules**

_Anko. _

_Don't mess with her._

_If she wants your dango, give it away, then run for your life._

* * *

"Gah! What's taking him so long!" Naruto shouted in irritation. Mostly in irritation. Maybe there was a little nine percent that just liked shouting.

For once, the class agreed with the class' prankster. The title 'Dead Last' didn't really apply to anybody, since, well, school started a few months ago. So they sort of treated him with sort-of-ish okay respect. Maybe that was why Iruka was having such a hard time? Team assigning really depended how well you did in school and what you were in school. Like, take three average students. They were put together since one was completely average, another a little bit above average, and the other a little bit below average. Or take another three students. A very loud student put with a very quiet student put with an indifferent buffer/medium (student).

It was all about balance.

Balance, balance, balance.

After another five minutes of waiting and little chit-chats ("shush up, the teacher might be coming any minute"), their sensei did indeed come. But slightly out of breath and very red.

He propped the stack of papers on his desk and cleared his throat.

"Sorry for being late, class. Now, as you - "

"Hey, Iruka-sensei, are those bruises? Did you fall?"

"Shut up Tomoe, I think they're bee stings."

"Oh! Iruka-sensei, those red marks must hurt an awful lot!"

The hickey covered Iruka blushed slightly, but proceeded his speech.

"Now, as you know, ninja teams operate in four. Three genin and one jounin. Very fortunately, someone just happend to be at the right place at the right time, so we have enough students for sorting you into teams of three. I will announce your jounin sensei when I'm done. Okay, everybody?"

The class of kids young enough to be classified as toddlers **(Toddler years: 2 - 6, in my opinion)** stared at Iruka. "Okay, everybody?"

Inuzuka Kiba said, "your pants are on backwards."

As an afterthought, "and your shirt. Probably your underwear if you - "

"OKAY! Then, I'll start announcing." Iruka interrupted.

"Team One: Fujioka Haruhi, Suou Tamaki, and Ootori Kyoya will have Namiashi Raido..."

And the list went on.

"Team Seven: Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuga Hinata, and - " Iruka craned his neck. Wait. Someone was named after an inanimate object that definitely did not classify itself in the cute stuff?!

"R-Rock Lee."

[YOUTH!]

"Team Eight: Inuzuka Kiba, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke have..."

He paused for a second, letting it sink in. Nobody to perturbed. So maybe Iruka was a pedophile, thinking the Uchiha to be cute, thus the girls crushed on him. Or maybe 'meeting' Anko resulted him in needing a doctor.

They were way too young, anyways.

"Team Ten: Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, and Akimichi Chouji. You have Sarutobi Asuma."

He turned around to check the clock. "Hmm. You have about forty-five minutes for lunch before your new jounin-senseis come in."

It started to downfall when Naruto asked, "what does 'bitch' mean?"

He spluttered and tried to find _whatever he was reading-!_

The back of his pants. More like the front of his pants, like the really really front, where messy handwriting was scrawled out. **_Anko's bitch._**


	4. Begonia means Beware

**I'M BAA~AAACK!**

**I don't own Naruto. Like, seriously. What the hell?**

* * *

"AAARRRGGHHH!" Cried out Naruto. "When're they gonna get 'ere?!"

Hinata poked her fingers unsteadily. "Maybe they overslept...?"

Lee frowned. How... (What was the word? [unyouthful]).

"But it's literally four in the afternoon!"

After greeting his new teammates, Naruto was giddy on nerves and excitement. Now, with the waiting and stuff, he was only running on nerves.

After about a minute of contemplating, Naruto had a grand idea. "I'm gonna prank 'em!"

Lee frowned again. "I don't think that will make a very [youthfully] good impression. We should respect our elders."

Naruto, the nice guy he was, made a noise with his mouth that sounded suspiciously like a lawn mower. "But they're not respectin' us! So we gotta teach 'em a lesson!"

"Fair enough."

He beamed. "How 'bout you, Hinata-chan?"

She said something that sounded like, "mimble-wimble."

"Great!"

They both had superior hearing, so Naruto (and Kiba and Shino) was one of the select few who could actually hear her. Lee didn't count.

* * *

Kakashi rolled his eyes. He didn't need a psyche check-up from GAI of all people. He looked at the clock. Late. Oh well.

"Kakashi. You are going to be mentoring two boys and one girl. You need-."

"Can't you say three children? It rolls off the tongue a lot nicer."

Gai looked at his rival suspiciously. "It's important. Do you even know the difference between girls and boys?"

Kakashi continued reading his book. "Oh, well, females have b-."

Gai put a finger over his mouth. "I mean, in general."

Kakashi wore a blank face. "Hmm. Boys are eight times more likely to be convicted of murder."

Face, meet palm.

"And you cannot outrun a woman. You just. Can't."

* * *

Kakashi was leisurely strolling down the street, reading his porn. Twenty year old Gai was muttering about indecency and unyouthfulness.

"Okay, okay, with no bias, how can you youthfully differentiate between girls and boys?"

Giggle-giggle. "Miho-sama is more sensitive around there... Ooh, she can hold a grudge... Oh no! Tonare, you know that she acts uncomfortable around you in those pants..."

Gai beamed. "Kakashi, my rival, I knew you could do it!"

Kakashi looked up from his book. "Do what?"

He stopped in his tracks. "AARRGGH! WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THE PAST FOUR HOURS, AND-... Wait. Four hours? Oh dear, we have to go!"

He then manhandled the protesting silver haired jounin, and leapt off to the academy.

* * *

Naruto suddenly shot up from his nap. "I hear footsteps!"

Indeed. The door slid open, and the chalk board eraser landed on a shiny black bowl-cut. Gai squealed, trying to rub off the glitter and chalk dust. A very youthful and manly squeal, the author means. But that didn't help matters; in fact, it only made them worse. A very old and unyouthful Gai with white hair finally conceded.

"How unyouthful children are these days," Gai muttered.

A short blonde brat shouted, "I heard that! And it's cool and all that we're one of the few who get two jounin senseis, but why'd we get the old group?! You could be my grandma or somethin'!"

The only girl of the group mumbled about how her grandma had less white hairs than they did. Together.

A mini-Gai just looked away.

Kakashi noticed how cramped the room felt, and decided to meet on the roof.

"Bye-bye now, children!"

* * *

A certain Aburame Shino finished attending the funeral service for his recently deceased teammates. No, literally they died when being introduced to their sensei. Apparently Tomoe forgot to bring his inhaler and suffocated to death. Nobody really knew what was happening until he started "sleeping".

Shino personally thought he was constipated.

And Umeko had an accident with a rake. Don't ask. Shino and Yamashiro Aoba were both very quiet individuals, and as the only student with the Tokubetsu Jounin, they were going to have a lot of awkward conversations in the future. The Hokage finished his long speech about the sorrows of ninja life - _"and they just started! Quite vexing, really -_"

A lot of people hugged and kissed Shino on his head. He wasn't entirely sure why. He really didn't do anything. Aoba got pats on the back and little bottles of 'get well' perfumes. He was slightly autistic and didn't really understand why perfume would help him get over his nonexistent bond with his students. Aoba smelled some of the perfumes and still didn't understand why the people cried even harder.

Afterwards, teacher and student stared. Aoba tapped his first foot lightly four times, then nine times. Shino nodded and set off to find something to do.

Because super smart and super antisocial people don't talk with their voices. They had some sort of mental connection stimulation, anyways.

* * *

"My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like..." Giggle. "I dislike some other things. My goal in life? Hmm... I don't really have many hobbies."

Kakashi absent mindedly hummed while flipping through the pages of his favorite book. Gai berated him, "All we learned was your name, Kakashi! Talk about yourself! Like, what's your favorite color?"

"...yellow."

Naruto huffed. "Well, my favorite color is orange, and you better believe it, Kakashi-oba-chan!"

Gai smiled. "Such... Youth! You are burning with the Orange Fires of YOUTH!"

Silence.

"Well, I, ahem, am Mighto Gai. I like youthfulness and curry. I dislike the nonbelievers. My goal in life is to become the best Taijutsu user in the land, and my hobby is training!" He flashed an eye-blinding smile. Hinata shied away. Gai thought it was because she was feeling a little unyouthful, but it really was that Hinata had sensitive vision.

"Yosh! Let the flames of YOUTH fill our souls! My name is Rock Lee, and I appreciate youth! My goal is to be a great ninja, and I train!"

Kakashi started hyperventilating, Lee's peers found a great motivator in him, and Gai looked like he found his long lost cousin.

"Well, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo! I like ramen, I don't like the three minutes it takes to make the ramen, and I'm gonna be the bestest and strongest Hokage of 'em all! Hobbies? Pranks... On second thought, maybe I could be the Ramen King..."

Everyone looked pointedly at the last person. Hinata bushed at all the attention. "M-My na-naame... Is... Hyuga Hinata. I like..."

At that, she murdered something incomprehensible. Naruto patted her back. "Don't be shy Hinata-chan! I like plants, too!"

Her heart welled up at Naruto's gentle words. The last thing someone said something like that... Was her late mother. Too late, and Hinata was already crying. Naruto froze up. "Shoot! Was it something I said?"

Gai patted her head. He had also heard the part about her plants. "Don't worry Hinata-chan. Your begonia flower is blooming again youthfully with the spirits... Sh, child."

Hinata stopped sniffling. "What does Kami-sama want with a dead flower?"


End file.
